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About The Turner tribune. (Turner, Or.) 19??-19?? | View Entire Issue (Dec. 19, 1929)
TUR TRIBUNE, TURNER. OREGON WHY WE BEHAVE] LIKE HUMAN BEINGS World Events Pictured \ By OXOhOX D O M t Y , . pk. D, u _ n. ! M GENEROUS RECEPTION New Cruiser Starting Out for Severe Test» SPEAK IN G OF FIGURES M Ih i O V A N $H J N t U n do Ebon There la d o satiety la study. "Every time 1 aces an airplane," said Beauty may be merely akin deep, bat Uncle Eben, "Pe willin' to git back to da old days right here on earth, wlf a It la nearly always affect!?» coupla o' mules an' n canal boat."— Washington Star. Never try to make a fool at a man —1st nature taka Ita coura» Suspicious It ta useless for a man to anafe • Rusplrtoua Husband—Who called steady Job If be Isn’t steady. thla afternoon? Hla Better Half—Only Aunt Sophie. Friendship Is tha highest degras a* 8 . H.—Well, the left her pipe. perfection In society.—Montaign» A a Old Friend Author—How do you like my plot? Editor— With that eateem which can Come only o f long acquaintances For one thing, the henpecked man Is never found In the ranks o f cries» Usa Roa* Ball Blue In your laundry. Tiny rust apota may come from Inte rior Bluing. Ask G rocer»—Adv. Not Adapted to tko Maoy The chief drawback to living the simple life la that ao few people can Mistake that farm hoys make la In stand It.—Capper's Weekly. thinking there Is no monotony In thn city. The first European stood on the brink o f the Grand canyon o f the There's many a slip between thn Colorado river eighty years before the engagement ring and the wedding Pilgrims landed at Plymouth rock. ring. The new 10,000-ton cruiser Halt l-ake City, as It left Camden. N. 3- to undergo a period o f severe teat* over the naval proving course off Rockland, Maine. The ship, which was constructed under the terms o f the Washington conference, 1» 5h5 feet, 0 Inches over all, with an estimated speed o f S3 knots. FOR ALL-AM ERICAN Queen o f California Walnuts "Why do 1 see yoo walking ao much lately, Fred?" "I'm reducing." "80 you’re reducing, eh? Tell me, arbat are you reducing?" "Expenses." N o a -C o m b a ta n ts They say BUI S bak sap ca ra c ou ld n ’ t w rits T he p la y s that sound ao rara. And atlll tha v ariou s c r it ic s fight— And old BUI d oesn 't ca m . Check City 8 l!cker— la this milk from con tented cows? Farmer (thoughtfully)—Weil, to tell the truth, they ain’t seemed so con tented lately. "Urn. what do yoo suppose la an- ooylng them?" "W ell, near’» 1 kin make ou t It’s these dum fool questions people ask.’ Modern Pests “It's terrible the number of mur ders we read about these days," re marked the Thoughtful One. "Huh I" growled the Grouch, “ con sidering the number o f people who leave the radio on while yoo are try ing to carry on a conversation U ta surprising there are not more." 1 T en sors at W ork The business men were talking over their employees. “ Well, old Johnson has grown gray- haired in my service." “ Pooh. I've got a girl with me who haa grown yellow, brown and red haired In my service." 1 : I Toby Uanaa. sensational halfback o f the undefeated I'lttohurgh "Pan ther" football team, who haa been | running riot over all kinds of oppo sition thla season and ta regarded aa All-American muterlnL Probably Better Paying "1 hear Briefless la going to marry ! a millionaire's daughter." “ Will he give up the law business?" “ Oh. yes: he's going into the son- >n law business Instead." — Stray Stories. O H IO ’S N EW SENATOR E XA CTLY Miss Janet Chandler, from her walnut throne, announcing the harvesting o f the *14.000.000 crop during ceremonies held In I.o# Angeles by the Southern California Walnut Growers' association. Her majesty further announced that the crop wna the largest on record. Testing the New Radio Torpedo First Wooden teem to be very Second Wooden regular blockhead Soldier—Ha don't Intelligent. Soldier—No, he’s a 1 H e lp fu l W hile I ch a n g ed a tire It d idn 't help me a n y — It ]uat aroused my Ira WhoWants to be Bald? Not many, and when you are getting that way and loosing nair, which ends in baldness, you want a good remedy that will stop falling hair, dandruff and grow hair on the bald head BARE-TO-HAIR is what you want. f o r Salt at AB Daala» ia Toikt Artklea W . H . F o r a t, M f g r . Homeless Men Glad to Find Stray Ducks’ Eggs Any morning before the rush trattlc lias begun you may aee the homeless ones who sleep on the London embank ment walking slowly along, peering over the parapet at the steps and landings. They are looking for docks' eggs. I was walking past the air force war memorial (write# a correspond ent) when I saw two ducks perched on one o f the steps Just above high water mark. Between them lay a beautiful new-laid egg. I climbed over the low railing and retrieved the egg. Aa I waa clamber ing back a seedy looking embankment habitue accosted me. "You've pinched my breakfast, guv-nor,” he complained I gave him the egg. and he explained that he had found a half dozen eggs on the same steps during a fortnight. —New York World. Sailors in Small Boat Menaced by Albatross Haunted by an albatross, a bird of (11 omen, and In danger o f having their boats smashed by a hnge whale, were among the experiences o f the crew of the Slltonhall, a British steamer that caught Are recently hundreds o f miles from land In the South Indian ocean. Soon after the cargo o f coal caught fire the decks became red hot and the hatches were in flames. The crew took to two small boats aDd for 44 hours were adrift In a gale. It wa* during this Ume that the albatross constantly swooped down menacingly. This story bears a remarkable simi larity to the Incident In Coleridge's poem. “The Ancient Mariner.” In which the albatross, an ominous bird, haunts a stricken ship. S c o t t d a le . P e n n a Softening Toward Him Representative James M. Beck said at a dinner: “ If they bad kept me out much longer I’d have felt as bad aa Brown- low. "Brownlow was running for mayor, and one night at the end o f a stormy meeting his campaign manager said: “ 'Y ou 'rj winning them over. Brown- low. They seemed more Inclined to listen tonight. Y e » you’re getting morn popular all the time.' “ 'Popular r snarled Brownlow. ‘Look at my coat and vest. Why, they did nothing but bombast me with rotten eggs.’ “ 'Y e » but,’ said the manager, ‘don’t you remember, Brownlow. hear It used to be bricks?’ ” Garfield T ea Was Your Grandmother's Remedy For every and Intestinal DL S V j-J This good old-fash W toned herb /K —ten remedy foe p a tio» stomach 111 a menta o f the tem so prevalent these days la In 1 greater favor as a family than In your grandmother's day. W. fl. U„ PORTLAND, NO. 4*-1*2*. Not at All Typical John J. Itaskob said at the Savan nah G olf du b on his way to Biloxi: “The South Impresses me with Ita energy and enterprise. The South ought to advertise Itself more. A good many Northerners think that It la typified In the grocery y a r » "A man, the yarn run» went Into I l t f the Pala. T h a h u r t o f a b u rn o r a c u t sto p s when a southern grocery to buy a ham. He Colo's C arb o llsalv a Is applied. It heal» q uickly w ith o u t » c a r» K c an d SDc by planked down a five dollar bill on the at; d ru g g ists, or »end XOc to T he J. w . counter and said: Cols Co., R o ck fo rd , 111.—A dvertisem ent. “ ‘Gimme a ten pound—’ "But the grocer, who was sitting Watchmaking Schools with his feet on a cracker barrel. France has three schools of watch Interrupted him. making which each year graduate from “ 'I can't serve ye Just now, salt,' 100 to 125 students. he said. ‘ Ye'll have to call round time when I'm a-stundin' up.' ” It Is extremely hard to be original It'a no use trying to convince a to stating great truths; they have mule that be Is stubborn. teen stated ao often. I n t c r p r c t ia g th e L a w Wadren (to prisoner)—You say you want a key. What In thunder are you going to use It for? Inmate— I want to sleep home at night —1 was only sentenced to 30 daya In Jail. CHAM PION HUSKER The Hammond torpedo, which ta controlled by radio after It hits th- water, being flred during the recent navy tests of the new death missile oft Newport, It. L The torpedoes coat *12,000 each and have a range of six mile# Turbo-Electric Liner Is Launched ■■ •• ... . , , • • ... An Old Grouch “John. I saved *10 today." "W here?" “ At a bargain ante." "I thought so. The place to savt money la a bank." Class "Ton made a hud break In alluding to that woman aa an old ben." "H ow ao?" “ She must he somebody. I see she haa been Invited to lay • corner stone." ( : ' s S r -' Walter Olson, young fnrmer from Itlo, III., who won the national corn husking contest at fla tte City, Mo. Neolithic Relics? Containing hones of animals and human beings and showing signs of Are. an enormous cave win discovered In the I'llla mountains, near Budapest. Itungnry. One o f the moat Interesting objects found was an ax made from antlers of a »tag. The excavators be lieve that the And dale# back to neo lithic times and ara pushing their work for other tracea of human life. S cs She p layed the ukulele. Former Representative Roacoe C. McCulloch o f Canton who wna ap pointed United Stntea senator from Ohio hy Governor Cooper, filling a vacancy enused by the death of Sena tor Theodore K. Burton. W ell Equipped The »mail daughter of a motor car tire aaleaman was playing on the lawn o f their home when her atten tion was attracted, for the first time, hy triplets. She ran excitedly Into the house crying. "Mother, mother, I’ve Just »ecu twins and a »pare." Haa V en n i»!#»»’ l e d o r s e a a e e l H<Hip la cxtrcmely uaeful for »top ng a leak In a gn» pipe, we read veral amali boy» are o f thè opinion at It la Impoaalhla lo Imnglne a Iter uaa for thè »tuff.—I.ondon Un itfat. Toung Cohen bad visited relativa» la Berlin. rather— flow did they treat you la Berlin? Boo—n o e . They Invited me te lunch every day. One day Onda laaaa said I must dins with Unci# Bolomoa and the next day Uurla Solomon said t was to dine with Uncle Isaac. 4 ( A bv floor*» A P orooy.l Dark Secret Our memory goes buck to the lima when. If e nice girl hail broken her leg. a« they very seldom did, however, In those d a y» abed hava naked the doctor not to tell what (he matter wa#. —Ohio Slate Journal. fcuft ¿(appear, dean, uniform More than yo rhioeo far yo i HAPPENINGS EVERYWHERE AND PERSONS • - » OF NOTE AS SEEN BY THE CAMERA »* • Smiling a Human Trait OHT o f us liavs about 810 muaolM on aach aid« o f our body. Thaj urn subject to such rartallou that Ta* tut, a noted French anatomist. r* qulred IMS) pages to describe them. Our fourth of all our muscles ara lo our naok aud fata. The human faca can light up or cloud over berauae Ita muarlea ara attuned for coiuples ac- tlou - keyed to the human pitch. fa cia l mtiaclea In mammala baton man ara more almpla. Wa look fot Intelligence In the eyoe o f a Ikiraa, not In Ilia expreulou of Ita face. When It nreda to flick a fly from Ita faca oi ■boulder, It movea a muacle burled In the akin. Much a muacle cover» many anlruala Ilka a blanket Wa all have blta o f thla akin mue- cle—aome of ua more, aorne leaa, even on the cheat aud back. Usually we oiyi not tarltch It; we aend a hand aftat the fly. Wa have tracaa of It In oty scalp; a few hava enough lo more the whole acalp. Moat of ua can wrin kle our forehead—and do, when per plexed. A jH-a uaa thla muacla both In pleaaura and to frighten euemlea. Wa all hara veatlgea o f the muarlea doga uaa to pull, push. and lift their earn; aome can avao wriggle them. Ho. while the akin muacla o f out face and ahouldera tenda ta disappear, the deeper facial muarlea allow pro graaalve variation. They ara amoog our moat recent acquisition». We re tain tha muacla by which the dog ahowa Ita canlna tooth; wa ran all anart Hut tha muacla by which wa amtla la not ao regularly preaent; tha man of gloom may hava ao tiaorlus. Variations In muarlea about tha noaa and mouth, necasaary for apeerh, ara uaually forward looking; they gtva the "»peaking llkrneaa" to man. Oft en they reveal what tha mind la trying to hide Only aa wa grow In axperl- enca ran wa maka our fare a mask to hello our emotion» Thla la berauaa tha fare la primarily under tha control o f tha autonomic nerve»; they act of their own aweet will and ara by na ture honeat. Hut by and by our brain learna to get control o f them; wa force our fare to wear a »mile when our heart would bid our eyea lo weep Our arma are free; they hava not forgotten that they were once lege. Of Ml bodtea examined, 'JW2 varlallotia were found In tha arm muarlea; 110 In tha leg. Our Immediate anreetora were four-handed, we are two-footed. Ilut when baby geta on tha floor, It pulla with tta fore and puahea with Ita hind llmha; Ju»t aa we once crawled up out o f water on to dry Innd. i'almista rarely read the pad at tha outer edge o f our palm—or know that w t have one like It on the aole of our foot; both protect deep lying muaclee from Injury In walking. The palm pad haa Ita own palmar muacle In one uinn out o f every ten. It helped to work the pad» which protected the muaclee and tendons beneath. Today, It la aa atavlatlc aa tha pad Itaelf; wa gave up walking on our hand» about 2.000,000 year» ago. Aa for “ line»" of fate and marriage, and tha “ glrdla of Vcnua," they can all he “ read" In the hands and feet o f monkey», and lo a rertaln extent In a baby's foot, or In tha fetal hand» and fret. I'almlatry la as dead aa phrenology. Anyone who can read “ charucter” or "mental ca pacity" from head humps or palm lines Is a wltard. What doe» It all mean, thla astound ing range o f variation, on which I hare barely touched? There they are. by the thousands, by unnumbered thousands. Shall we say that they lie. that our levator coccygla never lifted a tall, that our curvator coccygla nev. er curved one. and that our atlolletia aurtculam never lifted an ear? Or shall we »ay that we are walking mu seums of comparative auatoroy and try to And out whence we cam» and whither we are going? Till» la cer tain: there Is no fixed, standardised, perfect, or biologically Ideal human body—there are no two humnn bodies quite alike. Each one o f ua recks with evidence that our ancestor# were not the two-handed, two-footed crea ture» we are now ; that they hnd no talking muacle»; that they could not hack up their talk with a spooking countenance; and Ihnt they could not balance their heads on their »pine» Home variations are atnvlatlc or vestigial. l ike the buttons on our coat cuff*, they no longer function; like pnrlor boarder», they often make trou ble. They are hnngovere from a re mote past. They are prone to die. ease; we should he better off without them. Some are retrogressive, wenk slaters o f our body, functioning In a half-hearted w ay; we could do with out them—mnny o f ua do. Some ore progressive, a little hit more than hu man; they point to further change In man's physical atructure. Taken together, they bridge every gap and make a complete story. They prove that, while our eyea look for ward. our body haa not forgotten Ita humble origin—and earrle# aome dead wood wa were well rid of. auch as ap pendix. tall, snarling muaela. Our pronenesa to harnla and prolapae of the uterus la only one of the many proofs that our body la not yet per* feet Iy adnpted to an npright gnIL O ld slices made new for less than a penny a pair Time Payment Plaa "Brown tells ine lie’s got a house full o f period furniture." "Thut'e quite right. He hat It for a period—then the installment people come and fetch It away again." Don’ t Overlook tko Tasoe Judge— You »’ and convicted of hat ing beaten your wtfe. I hereby tine you *3.30. Culprit—All right, your honor, but shy the SB cent*? Judge—That's the amusement tax. The new turbo-electric ilner 8 . 8 . Ranta Clara aa It was brought hack to dock at Camden, N. J.. after sliding down the way« at launching. Th» new hoot will be placed In tha regular service to Peru and Chile via th. Panuma canal. City Slickers "Ain't thai cow got a lovoly coat Ted?" “ Yea; Ita a Jersey." "W ell. now. what do you think ol that? I thought it was Its own ski».’ F o rC O L D S W e all catch colds and they can make us miserable; but yours needn't last long if you will do this: Take two or three tablets o f Bayer Aspirin just as soon as possible after a cold starts. Stay in the house if yon can— keep warm. Repeat with another tablet or two o f Boyer Aspirin every three or four hours, if those symptoms o f cold persist. Take a good laxative when you retire, and keep bowels open. I f throat is sore, dissolve three tablets in a auarter-glassful o f water and gargle. This soothes inflammation and reduces infection. There is nothing like Bayer Aspirin for a cold, or sore throat. And it relieves aches and pains almost instantly. The genuine tablets, marked Bayer, are absolutely harmless to the heart. B A Y E R J\ S It I N A spiri» to th» trad» mark oi B a y « liaaufaotara »1 M 1 u h i f i l i l i of fioHoytiood*